Internet Identity Indecision
I love alliterations.
Before this blog, I spent weeks figuring out a website name and theme and how I wanted people to refer to me. Bear Blog was a blessing to find. It's simple and what I wanted for a website.
Anyway, I realized I was circling an old wound. My current subdomain, "originalspirit," was an old Instagram username I had, but I was teased for it by this one kid in class.
Since then, I guess I kinda like "purified" my online presence. My usernames after that became less and less personal and devoid of any thought. I started using my initials with some number variation for everything. I didn't like it, but I was teased for trying something different, so it felt safer.
I hate having lived behind these uninspired online presences. They never felt like me even though it was. Just a filtered, surface level version of who I am.
I still used some unique usernames when I would rather be anonymous, but even those were uninspired and generic.
Because I never felt like those usernames were me, I never felt like I could express myself even in those anonymous spaces.
This blog is a bit of exposure therapy I guess. Reclaiming that old moniker and saying things I haven't shared online before.
Even if I feel like I'm not like fully expressing myself, I have to realize that this is new to me and I have or had this idea of what it would look like if I was expressive online, but this is the reality. It's not some big thing where I'm going to get some achievement and confetti for posting. The posts are just gonna exist online.
Anyway, I was doing a thing of posting every other day, but I forgot to post yesterday until like 15 minutes before midnight and that's okay. I only did that because my first 3 posts ended up being posted like that I wanted to see how long I could maintain that.
I'm still trying to figure out what works for this whole blogging thing. I imagine I might try to have some sort of routine eventually, but until then I'm just gonna post when inspiration strikes. Or for motivation to flesh out some other ideas I have, like this one.